Hypnosis and the Bullied

I'm always looking for new ways to apply what I do to other avenues. Not only does this make my business more profitable, but it allows me to serve a greater portion of the community. I was working with a teenager on anger, recently, and was talking about how we change others by changing ourselves, when I realized that some of these same hypnotherapy techniques could be applied to bullied kids in order to strengthen them and make them less prone to further victimization.

Let me back up. There's a theory that we can only change ourselves, not others. Fundamentally, that's true. However, when we change our own behavior, we change how those around us respond to us; that changes them. So, technically, when we change, others change, and those around them, and the ripple spreads. (Fellow therapists, that makes us so important to the ecosystem of the pond, even if we only help one fish.) I was talking to a teenager about anger and how people hold themselves when they're feeling anger - tense all over, with a certain posture and steely gaze. If you no longer hold yourself that way (through letting go of resentment and by letting things roll off you that previously induced anger), people won't respond to you as if you are angry.

To draw the parallel, if you were to scan a classroom or school hallway and look for the kid you think is most likely to be bullied, we could probably come to some agreement that he or she would be slumped in posture, head low, eyes downward, somewhat isolated from others, and so forth, in characteristics. It wouldn't matter the body structure of the child, nor the personality of the child, but on those factors alone, we could identify a "target." The confident child that exhibits direct eye contact, stands tall, walks briskly, and has an easy air about him/her is not going to be the first target. So could we get a group of kids together who have been bullied in some way and teach them to stand and walk and gaze differently? Certainly, and there is research that says this is being done in anti-bullying campaigns. No harm in that. But if these kids are still internalizing both the trauma of what happened (which is often re-experienced in the mind of some kids, and which resonates with a lot of adults) and are taking in new stimuli as harmful, it won't stick.

Thus, if we can take a group of kids and make it so they are free of that old harm and whatever happens next they take in as simply data and let it roll off them without attaching greater meaning behind it, they will automatically hold themselves differently, and it will stick. Subsequently, others will respond to them differently. Put that kid in an environment where no one knows him/her and they will get a whole new set of peers, and the peers they already have will notice a change, even if they can't pinpoint it. So, yes, hypnosis for bullying. New adolescent group coming very very soon! Stay tuned to my Facebook page for more information.

Plugged In

"Kids these days!" Am I right?

Seems you can't look 10 feet without seeing a wire sticking out of a teenager, be it from his iPod, laptop, or keyboard. But technology is reaching younger and younger children at an alarming rate. Sure, my kid was allowed to listen to music we approved, and watch movies and Sesame Street starting at a pretty young age, and we even used the cartoon sleuth Sly Fox to help him gain math skills on the computer as a sneaky way of getting him to learn through play, but how much is too much?

Have you seen this video of the one-year-old who can't operate a magazine? The parents of the girl posted the video and, presumably, they think it's cute or is social commentary. I agree that it's social commentary, but think it's plain sad. This is a child who must not be read bedtime stories, or books on a regular basis, but will be online shopping like Suri Cruise in elementary school.

Don't get me wrong, I'm a fan of technology; a huge fan! I grew up in an age where we learned the Dewey Decimal System in school and researched in books and periodicals for papers in high school. I'm thankful that I had the internet in graduate school and no longer had to go to the library. I have a kid who, in high school, asked me why we didn't just use the internet to do our research and had to explain that we did not yet have access to the internet. I also have several email accounts that I check on my smartphone, love my iPod, and spent far more time than I'd like to admit on Facebook. I appreciate technology and all it does for us and was born at just the right time to do so.

But I'm also a fan of play, of learning, of organic experiences. I think toddlers should be banging on pans to learn about rhythm and cause-and-effect. I think looking at clouds and determining what they look like shapes our brain development and ability to think creatively. I think we need blocks to learn spatial skills and an abacus to learn faster number grouping. I think both genders need to be exposed to dolls and trucks because people and transportation are part of our everyday lives and playing is a microcosm of living. Certainly, as a therapist, I know that you can learn much about how a child interprets his world through watching him play. What do you learn about a child using technology? Some years ago, you'd say she was smart for figuring it out, but it's all so interactive now, that it doesn't say a thing about the kid. What does it say about the parent? There's the rub.

Yes, finger paint is messy, but if you don't make a mess, you don't learn how to properly wash your hands. You also don't learn about mixing colors, how paint feels, what "wet" means, about your fingerprints, about how to care for your art while it dries, or a number of other subtle life lessons. So put down the virtual paint program on the iPad and allow your kid real life skills. After all, we don't see virtual masterpieces in galleries; and, although someday we might, isn't that just a little bit sad?