Sheros - Guest blog by Tara Dickherber, LPC

Back in the 80’s or 90’s or some time like that I remember there was this push about being a Super Woman- have it all, do it all, be it all.  I look back now and think “What a load of crap.  What a great way to set women up to think they aren’t enough.”  I’ve been slowly reformulating that whole concept into this- Shero: Female Hero.  I my opinion there’s a DRASTIC difference between Super-Woman and Shero.  Let me walk you through what I have so far, and so far I’ve put together enough that I’ve roughed out a book on this very topic.  (Notice I say roughed out, it’s a project in the works and very near to my heart personally and professionally.)

As a Licensed Professional Counselor in the St. Louis area I specialize in working with survivors of sexual trauma.  I see more women than men basically.  Most of the women I work with come in with their chief complaint being self-esteem/self-confidence issues.  It’s a rarity that I see a female client who doesn’t state they have those issues.  First things first we throw the whole concept of better self-esteem out the window.  It’s such an abstract concept.  Like what does self-esteem feel like?  It feels like being comfortable in your own skin and your world.  Let’s aim for that instead!  If we can feel it, if we can conceive of it we are more likely to get there.  Most clients that complain to me about low self-esteem find it easier to conceive of comfort rather than self-confidence.  It’s definitely NOT being cocky and self-centered which is where some clients think self-esteem exists- in the realm of selfishness. 

That leads me to another phase of this- being a Shero is about taking care of yourself- FIRST.  Even if you are married, have kids, and work a full time job you take care of you first.  If you’re not OK then who’s going to be there to take care of everyone else?  I don’t know if it’s hard wiring or learned behavior but most women are care-takers in one way or another.  What’s that cliché’: If Momma ain’t happy nobody’s happy?  Well it’s truth.  If Momma is physically ill then she needs to take some much needed Momma time and get well!  In caring for yourself you are teaching your kids, loved ones, and friends that being mindful of you is OK to do.  I can not count the amount of times I’ve had clients who did EVERYTHING for their family and their family totally took advantage of that and had no respect for them in the end, nor did they know how to do anything for themselves.  That’s an equation for long term mess in my opinion.  If you have kids, seriously, they need to move out eventually and pay their own bills!

Now in caring for yourself that means learning a few skills.  1) Say No.  No is your default setting.  In order for you to say Yes there better be a good reason to say yes, and part of that reason is in saying Yes it’s to something you enjoy doing.  If it’s something you dread say NO!  2) Delegate.  Read that again- DELEGATE.  Other people are likely better at some tasks than you are.  Some of the people in your life might actually enjoy some tasks and such more than you do.  Sometimes, like with kids, they need to learn some life skills, say doing laundry.  Delegate. 3) Schedule time for you and what ever it is you need to do to rejuvenate yourself.  Some of us are introverts and need time alone to meditate, do yoga, read, watch some guilty pleasure TV.  Schedule that FIRST before anything else.  Some of us are extroverts, we rejuvenate while being with others- family dinners, coffee with a friend, etc.  Schedule that FIRST.  THEN schedule date night with your spouse/partner., and then all the other stuff.  Now your work is not going to be accepting of Tuesdays being “Me” day so I guess schedule around work.  (Silly jobs getting in the way of our well -being)

Know your limits, respect them, honor them, and keep them.  If being in a crowded noisy place isn’t your thing and you are totally able to pass up that event DO IT!  I recently did a mud run and a “cheer leader” for our team came to cheer but that person and everyone else knew busy, noisy, crowded events wasn’t that person’s idea of a good time.  Therefore it quickly became a NOT good time for that person.  One can cheer on their loved ones by having a warm meal and a glass of wine ready at home.  In my world both are just as supportive.  Frankly being honest and respecting your own needs teaches others to respect you and your needs. 

Emotionally what many people feel that struggle with “self-esteem” is worry/anxiety.  What many clients tell me is they constantly worry about how others are perceiving them, what they are thinking about them, etc.  I’m here to tell you- They aren’t thinking about you as much as you think they are.  Most humans are pretty lost inside their own head and their own world.  If someone is actually thinking about you that much well you must be pretty famous, or they have problems with obsession or something.  How others perceive you and what they think about you has everything to do with what’s inside their head.  I’ve been in the mental health field for over 15 years…you really don’t want to know what’s going on inside most people’s heads.  Truth be told the more you focus on you and yours the less people focus on you.  In fact some will begin to respect you more for doing so. 

Now this emotional part of this effects all the other parts and vice versus.  Anxiety sometimes needs some professional help to get it managed and cleared.  That’s OK.  That goes right back to take care of you!  Asking for help is key to being your own Shero.  We are social creatures us humans.  We are designed to be with other humans.  (Not saying I want to be with ALL humans but there’s a select few I enjoy being with) Therefore we are designed to help each other.  If you have been helping everyone a lot I guarantee there’s someone you’ve helped that is trying to figure out a way to give back to you.  There’s someone who’d LOVE to help you out, support you, and give back.  It’s time to let them, to ask them, to release them from this mental age of feeling like they owe you something. 

Being a Super-Woman is out.  Being a Shero is what it’s all about.  And the more you Shero on the more Sheros you will find until you have your own Shero League and with your League you will conquer your part of the world! 

Oh and lastly I have to give credit where credit is due.  The term Shero comes from Johnetta B. Cole.  Go look her up, she’s pretty darn amazing! Follow my Shero Blog and share it with your friends!

Tara S. Dickherber, LPC is a Licensed Counselor working in the St. Louis area.  When she’s not in session with her clients she can be found gardening or at the barn horsing around.  For more info on Tara check out her website:  http://www.tarasdickherberlpc.com

Motivation

It's good for a therapist to have therapy sometimes. I didn't realize I needed an issue cleared until I was at another Rapid Resolution Therapy training this weekend.

I told you in a previous blog entry that I have been working on another book, yet, progress has been painfully slow. This book is research-based and research is one of my least favorite things. I have a solid outline and about 10% completed, but that is far from the deadline I set for myself for the end of the year. I know, if I just worked 15-30 minutes on it daily, I could chip away at it and it will get done - not by the end of this year, but maybe in a couple of months. I feel like the book will sell, and will be a benefit to others as well as myself for having finished it.

So what was standing in my path? I didn't want to do the research. I want the project completed. It is a goal that is attainable as I know how to do it and can complete it successfully. I want to have looked back and been proud of my accomplishment, yet I wasn't taking action to move forward. Sound familiar?

So there we were in training, some 15-20 of us mental health professionals, discussing "motivation" and how to increase such things in clients and here I was dragging my feet on a project that I chose to start, that I chose to continue leaving on my plate, that no one in the world would have been disappointed in me for discarding, and still not doing it. Why? Dr. Connelly worked with me for about 3 minutes on the issue. He asked if I am capable of doing it - yes. If I want to get it done - yes. If the desire to do the work (15-30 minutes each weekday is the goal I set for myself) is greater than the pain of not doing it (which was more than 15-30 minutes each weekday) - yes. And like that, the goal had benefit, possibility, and appeal.

So, yesterday was the first weekday I had to work on my project. I had a bunch of other things that absolutely had to get done, and they did. So all day I kept thinking of "When do I get to work on my book?" Did you catch that? Get to! Not "have to,", "get to." That's huge! I no longer dread the research. I kind of relish the idea of being able to get the book finished. The appeal was in the end of the project and I needed it in the daily steps. Sound familiar? This was just what I needed, and I didn't even know I needed anything until I was in that moment.

If you have a project goal - personal or professional, dealing with health and wellness or any other thing, and you're dragging your feet on it, let me get you from "have to" to "get to", bringing in the elements of benefit, possibility, and appeal! Watch your life change as your mind shifts.

Autumn Hahn is a licensed mental health counselor and hypnotherapist practicing in Weston through Clear Mind Group and West Palm Beach. You can reach her for consultation at 954-612-9553.

Faster Therapy

Our society is becoming faster paced and our attention spans are getting shorter. We're inundated with commercials and advertisements so often that it feels like that is normal, and so it is becoming. So how can we take therapy into this modern age? Do it faster!

Therapy used to take years. Who has time for that?
Freudians still believe in speculating on your childhood as a life-long process. This isn't for everyone.
Rapid Resolution Therapists believe that a single issue can be solved in 1-8 sessions. More and more often, I'm finding this to be hugely valuable.

Here are some of the benefits of rapid therapy:

• Less suffering. You're over it and back on to your happy life quickly.
• Less cost. Even a $20 co-payment gets expensive after awhile.
• More happiness. We're not dredging for sadness; we're mining for gold. It's all in the approach.
• Less time off work for sessions, dropping the kids off at the babysitter, etc.
• Less fuel burned driving to the office, as you only visit a handful of times.
• No homework. We do all the work in session. And by "we," I mean "I." You speak honestly, and tell me when something does and doesn't fit for you. I will adjust myself accordingly.

With RRT, change is immediate and lasting. You will leave each session feeling well, happier, refreshed, and energized. 

Autumn Hahn works in private practice at Clear Mind Group, LLC. in Weston, Florida. She is a licensed mental health counselor and certified clinical hypnotherapist. Appointments can be made by calling 954-612-9553.

Precise Trauma Treatment - Guest Blog by Tara Dickherber

This month's guest blog is by Tara Dickherber. She is a Licensed Professional Counselor, Life Coach, and Certified Rapid Resolution Therapist. She is also the Executive Director of the Institute for Survivors of Sexual Violence, a non-profit organization that provides free hypnotherapy for clients who cannot afford treatment and training for therapists working with them. Tara practices in St. Charles, Missouri and can be reached for appointment at 573-754-0348. 

Precise Trauma Treatment

I have found that, in my 4+ years of blogging, that I am sometimes inspired by the craziest things, and sometimes those crazy inspirations lead to some cool posts. Well, this week was no different. I went to the mailbox, found a mailbox full of junk mail and headed back into the house. As I quickly scanned the "junk," I saw this title on a newsletter from a local hospital: "Precise Tumor Targeting." I thought, well that's exactly what a Certified Rapid Resolution Therapist does with trauma. We target it, clear it, and update the mind.

When I say something like that to a potential client, it's typically followed up with this question: "Well how do you do that?" For me to explain how would take a very long time. What stands out more for me about how I do it is that I (and all other RRT therapists) have an understanding of the human mind that leads us to be able to target and clear those traumas.

Let me give you a quick and dirty understanding of the human mind. First, we have a subconscious mind, which makes up the majority or our mind, and then we have a conscious mind, which is really kind of small compared to our subconscious mind. Both are powerful and amazing things. However, they work very differently. Subconscious mind is the multi-tasker; it controls our breathing, blood flow, all of our emotions, all of our behaviors, and a some of our thoughts. This part of our mind responds well to symbols, stories, and metaphors. Conscious mind can do one thing at a time for a short time. It's rational and logical, kind of like Spock from Star Trek. 

 
When something traumatic happens, we can think of it as having left an imprint on our subconscious mind. (Yep, that's the emotional behavioral part of our mind.) How that traumatic event effects us is usually not logical. Yet knowing that helps me better understand what has been going on for my clients. So then, a facet of our subconscious mind gets lost in that traumatic event and doesn't realize anything else has happened since. It then begins creating emotional reactions to that event in an effort to motivate us to get something to stop. Like if someone let their dog out to go potty on a rainy day and that dog ran out into the road and got hit by a car the owner's mind is creating guilt to get him/her to stop from letting the dog out. When I see how the mind is responding to the previous trauma, I laser in on that imprint and the emotional reactions from it to then clear the trauma and thus update the mind to today and now. 

 
Thus, it's precise trauma targeting and treatment.

As I said before, this was a quick-and-dirty version of how the mind works. To fully explain Rapid Resolution Therapy and why it's so effective would take me days. The best way to understand is to just to experience it. We have 200+ Certified Practitioners across the United States and even a few in Canada. To find one near you just check here.


Be well. Be happy.
Tara S. Dickherber, LPC
Certified Rapid Resolution Therapist®
Executive Director of the Institute for Survivors of Sexual Violence™
www.mylifecoachtara.com

Guest Blogs

The newest feature is Guest Blogs!

I would like to feature a new blogger each month.

If you are interested in submitting a few paragraphs for my blog, please contact me by email here. Also, if you have a blog you love that you think I should read, let me know!

Topics should be relevant to some aspect of:

• trauma
• therapy
• mental health
• hypnotherapy
• Rapid Resolution Treatment
• hypnosis
• testimonials

Why pay cash?

I don't take any insurance. This benefits my clients in ways they may not know. Today's blog is meant to shed light on this subject.

Insurance companies are often not up-to-date. Most therapists get the majority of their referrals through insurance companies. Certainly, it seems more economical to call up your insurance company, ask for a local practitioner, and go there. Also, the insurance company keeps (you hope) a record of the practitioner's standing - licensure, malpractice, etc. Most will, yes, but some won't require that information to be updated too often, and many will never look into any claims against the license, such as lawsuits.

Insurance companies do not recognize hypnotherapy. As a Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist, and Certified Practitioner of Rapid Resolution Therapy, I can clear up most issues in just a couple of sessions. I charge you one rate for the issue, and we lay out the sessions in advance by a free phone consultation. Traditional therapy drags on and on with a loose treatment plan generally developed in the second session. This means you will be paying for 2 sessions before even having an idea of how long your issue might take to resolve. If insurance companies recognized hypnotherapy as worthy and viable, I might accept insurance for those companies, but at this time, they do not to my knowledge. They would rather pay for months of sessions than a single price for the issue. I would rather return you to your happy life quickly.

Insurance ultimately costs more. If you come in for a standard issue, like trauma, and I charge you $500 for 4 hours of therapy to broken up over 2 sessions, it is less expensive than seeing you for the same issue using traditional therapy each week for $90 . Even if your insurance company pays me $40, you would be responsible for the difference of $50 plus your $20 copayment. That is unreasonable. Even if you took out the difference, and I agreed to lower my rate for your insurance company (which is standard practice, despite how much it costs to get the degree for this level of care), you'd still be paying a $20 copay weekly for 6-9 months. In 6 months, it'd be about the same price as paying it all at once, but you'd have 5 months of living with your problem, plus gas and time. I think your time and happiness are worth far more than that. Also, when I bill insurance, claiming that money take me more time and energy, which I would also have to pass on to you through higher rates.

Insurance companies want your information. I have done medical billing for therapy and know, intimately, the details they insurance companies request. They want your diagnosis (this includes any substance abuse, even if not the treating issue), your risk level (are you at suicide risk because of your depression, for instance), and often want copies of session notes that verify these factors. I feel your information is private and should remain so. If you sue and we go to court, your notes can be turned over, but until then, they are between you and me, and whomever you want them released to, if anyone. I feel you may come in for an issue, like having been the victim of rape, and want to address that without discussing the fact that you may also suffer from some situation depression due to a job loss and be using daily marijuana to cope with that. I will certainly recommend you deal with each issue, but does your insurance company - and thus your employer or the military, or life insurance company - need to know that you are using substances? Certainly not.

My qualifications:

• I am a Licensed Mental Health Counselor. (LMHC)
• I am a Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist. (CHt)
• I am a Certified Practitioner of Rapid Resolution Therapy. 

Unbiased proof:

• You may research my license here. You will see that I have no claims against me. 
• You are welcome to leave feedback at: Angie's List, Manta, Yelp, Therapy Next, and Fort Lauderdale Key. 

Additionally:

• I carry malpractice insurance. 
• I do continuing education every year - often many times per year - to keep learning new techniques.
• I also do continuing education to keep up my hypnotherapist status for 2 different boards.
• I get mentorship and guidance at bimonthly conference calls. This is not required.
• I subscribe to 3 counseling periodicals, and read them cover to cover. 
• I am an active member of the American Counseling Association. 
• I am an active Provider for ChildNet.
• I am an active member of the Greater Hollywood Chamber of Commerce.

Breaking Through

There are those moments in one's career that bring things all together.

In December 2010, I was working for an outpatient substance abuse clinic, seeing adults for individual and group therapy who had been using drugs or alcohol, generally for a great many years. Substance abuse is a funny thing in that it's not generally the addiction that you're treating, but all the stuff that was done that fed the addiction - the lying, stealing, prostitution, homelessness, death, and loss of trust. There's a lot of guilt and shame in substance abuse, especially long-term use, that needs treating so those issues don't become reasons for using again.

Specializing in trauma, also prevalent in substance abuse, I attended a training for trauma and hypnotherapy. I was a self-taught hypnotist, but did not practice it. I thought it would be a good fit for me, and boy was I right! Knowing nothing of the training, the methods, or the trainer, I signed up for level 1 at what, to me, was a pretty hefty out-of-pocket price. There was so much information thrown at me that I went home after each of the three long days of training with my head swimming. Rapid Resolution Therapy is a way of conceptualizing a case through the lens of how you see the person as if they were to walk out your door completely free of their burdens. This seems like what every therapist should be doing with every case, right? But we're never taught that in college - at least I wasn't. Once you start seeing clients as whole and fixed, it it's just a matter of getting them there; but that is in Level 2, which I immediately signed up to attend.

I went home from that training, eager to try out the things I'd learned and start seeing my clients as resolved. Into my office that first week came an older-looking gentleman that we'll call Earl. Earl looked about 70, but was only in his mid-50s. He'd been using crack for over 20 years steadily and was referred by the justice system. My job was to get Earl to answer a grueling 2-hour questionnaire on his history of substance abuse and mental health issues. The more of the story he could give me, the faster I could make it go, but Earl was stonewalling me at every turn with yes and no answers, and sometimes just a steady silence. Working in community mental health is always a balance between getting the mountainous job down quickly and really getting the good work done. I needed Earl to go more quickly, but pressing him wasn't going to get me anywhere. I turned aside from the computer and said "Earl, I know the court's making you come here, and you're trying to get yourself out of trouble, but if you could change one thing about your situation, what would you want to do? How can I best help you to get where you want to be?" Earl looked at me for a long while, saying nothing. You could see his gears turning. As a trained therapist with almost a decade under my belt, I was going to ride out his silence - and if the questionnaire didn't get finished in time, we'd reschedule and I'd own that to my supervisor.

Then something happened, as we sat there in silence, sizing each other up. Earl broke down crying. "Miss Autumn," he said, "do you really care?" "Earl," I told him, "you're stonewalling me left and right. I see you have a lot of defenses up and I don't know why, but it's not going to do either of us any good. There's something going on with you that you're here for, not just court. If you're willing to tell me what it is, I'm willing to help see you through it." He looked at me again, a hard clear look and began to tell me about his daughter who was "about your age", though she was about 10 years younger (I get that a lot) who hadn't spoken to him in years due to his drug use, lying, and stealing. "I stole from my family," Earl said simply, and it was clearly the worst thing he could think to ever do. I helped Earl see himself as free from drugs, as clear of mind, as happy and himself again. We finished the questionnaire in record time. "I don't know what you did to me, Miss Autumn, because I don't tell nobody about my daughter, my life." But he left smiling.