Building Resliency

mini kiss roses
photo by Autumn Hahn ©2003

I want each person to be fine no matter what happens in their life. I want everyone to have solid ground under his or her feet and to say "okay, that was a trial. What's next?" and to be able to face the next thing with determination and ferocity. As my fellow therapist and friend Tara says, we're creating warriors.

Life will never be simple and easy where only good things happen and all is perfect all the time. That'd be boring anyhow and no one would have growth or know how far they'd come. Prepare for reality - that sometimes there will be manure and sometimes there will be flowers - and that flowers are stronger and brighter for the manure.

How do we do this? Master the following three skills from an RRT practitioner:

1. Clear past trauma  The things that have happened to drop manure into your life happen suddenly, oftentimes, and these sudden dumps (if you'll pardon the pun) can cause you to become stuck and weighed down. Clearing these events frees up that stuck energy to fuel you forward. Progressing with all manner of wonder isn't fully functional until this step is done. That's why all the talk-therapy in the world still leave people with crummy memories and weeping when the dredge that stuff up. Rapid Resolution Therapy® is the process many of us great therapists use to clear the old debris so you can resume planting flowers.
2. Live in this moment  If you have depression, you're living in the past, thinking of what was and could have been or should have been. This is fruitless without a time machine, and I'd even say fruitless with a time machine as we learn and grow from our mistakes. If you have anxiety, you're living in the future, thinking of what might be and what should be or what could be. This is also fruitless as we can't change or even predict with any certainty what will happen. Some people, with certain gifts, can glimpse the future; but even then, we have the ability to change things. Living in the present moment is a skill akin to meditation, and is in the teachings of every religion. Being present means knowing that you are safe and fine and that your mind and body are responding appropriately to the situation. This may not be true and may need adjusting. 
3. Dismiss pop culture's idea of self esteem  Self esteem is being absolutely fine with you, despite and including all of your imperfections of body and disposition. This is not automatic. I will never ask you to look in a mirror and tell yourself absolutely anything as I feel your time is valuable and I'd rather you be doing something fun. If a depressed person looks in the mirror and says 10 times (100 times, 10 billion times) "I am happy," that person will be no more happy than before. There's a mismatch between truth and speech and your mind knows that and will believe truth. I will never ask you to say "I'm made of balloons" because you're not! That's what pop culture says about self esteem: that it is valuable and necessary and saying it makes it so. I call shenanigans on that. However, you can learn to be perfectly imperfect and fine with you, all of you, at this moment in time.

These techniques are effective for children and adults and are part of the bullying group I run for ages 10-18. Hold your head up and be uniquely you by unleashing your inner warrior.

Autumn Hahn is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor and Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist practicing at Clear Mind Group in Weston, Florida. Call 954-612-9553 for a consultation. Follow Autumn on Twitter and Facebook.

Rapid Resolution Therapy® and Rapid Trauma Resolution® were developed and founded by Dr. Jon Connelly, LCSW, PhD. More information is available at www.cleartrauma.com and www.rapidresolutiontherapy.com.